The tale of “the jumper”

Welcome to 2018!

My mom called me one morning telling me she had a story to tell me.

I found this story so funny, that I’ve decided to share it with you.

My dad is a person who hates change. He is a man of habit and refuses to to be part of or acknowledge any adjustment in his life. An example of this is his clothes; when my dad buys a new item of clothes he wears them with the expectation he will keep them forever. One of these piece of clothes is his “work jumper™.”

He has worn this jumper consistently for two years, it has little holes in it and is covered in sawdust and pieces of glue. But it got to a time, that dad had finally accepted that it was time to finish with the jumper. He even had a date set in his head when he would throw it away (yes, he sets dates for these kind of occasions).

My mom had a new jumper already bought for him to replace the old one with. But even though dad had a replacement for a sorry excuse that was his old jumper, he was still adamant he would wear it up until “the day.” Mom told me that one night she got so frustrated with what a state he looked in the jumper, she threatened to cut it up.

And now here is the best part.

My younger brother, James, was in the room when this exchange took place and when my parents weren’t looking, he sneaked upstairs, grabbed a pair of scissors and CUT four HUGE HOLES in the back of the jumper.

His plan was that he would put the jumper back where he found it, and dad would wear the jumper the following day and not know the holes were there.

I kid you not, I was uncontrollable with the laughter.

My brother isn’t completely evil and he later told mom that “he kept the cut up pieces, in case what he did backfired on him and she could sew them back on.”

At this point I was howling.

But my brother isn’t a natural criminal and mom caught him coming out of their room looking shifty AF.

After discovering what James did and having a few minutes to recover, mom decided to save him from being shunned for a lifetime and she “hatched a plan.”

The night she woke up at 4am (why 4am??) and while dad slept, she hid the jumper in an “unknown location” and replaced the hanger with the one she was eventually going to give him.

The next morning dad emerged from his room.

“Where’s my jumper?”

“It’s gone” (*insert the voice of a smug Irish mammy who’s gotten her way*)

“Where is it?”

“You have a new one hanging up.”

“I’m not wearing it.”

This continued on all morning. I was told dad looked everywhere, in the bin, in the dogs bed, under couches, even sticking his head in the coal bunker.

While James spent the whole time, bent over laughing and mom tried her best to hide her grin.

Poor dad never did find the jumper and he had no choice but to put on the new jumper, (now christened “the new work jumper™.”)

And that ends the Tale of the Jumper

I’m sure no one will find this story as funny as I did, but I do hope you found it mildly amusing.

Do you have any funny family stories?

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